Pointy-Eared Sneaks

(To the tune of “Pencil Neck Geek” — sung by a gruff dwarf with a tankard in hand)

Verse 1
Well I knew an elf once, with a twinkle and grin,
Said, “I’m light on my feet,” then tripped on his chin!
Wears silk from the forest, eats salad for weeks,
Can’t hold his ale — them pointy-eared sneaks!

Chorus
Pointy-eared sneaks!
String-bowed freaks!
Prancin’ through the forest with perfumed cheeks!
They strum their lutes while we mine the peaks —
Bah! Pointy-eared sneaks!

Verse 2
Now elves say they’re ancient, wise and serene,
But give ‘em a mirror — they’ll preen and they’ll preen.
They talk to trees and kiss the breeze,
While we’re haulin’ steel on busted knees!

Chorus
Pointy-eared sneaks!
Long-haired freaks!
Never swing a hammer, only poetry speaks!
We’re swingin’ picks while they hum mystiques —
Bah! Pointy-eared sneaks!

Bridge (spoken, in dwarven grumble)
I’ll tell ya, laddie — they live five hundred years,
and still don’t know how to make a proper beer!
Give ‘em a forge and they’ll start singin’ to it —
We give ‘em a forge, and we build through it!

Verse 3
They dance in the moonlight, lookin’ so smug,
Can’t wrestle a troll but they’ll hug a bug!
Sayin’ “violence is bad,” till it’s goblins they meet —
Then it’s arrows for days from a mile up the street!

Final Chorus
Pointy-eared sneaks!
Leaf-lovin’ freaks!
If you’re lost in the woods, better hope one speaks!
We’ll raise a toast — to our beards and peaks!
And laugh our mugs off at the pointy-eared sneaks!

#dwarf #elf #dungeonsanddragons